I want you to know
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
… of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
if each day,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Butter and Guns, love, and I have enough guns for now. So yeah, absolutely, keep the money you work to earn. We’re already a team; putting it on paper just makes it official to the rest of the world. But I already have your back, same as you have mine, we’re equal. I love you more than $90. I love you more than anything $90 buys, or anything $90,000 buys. I love you more than a career, a house, or a car; more than status, celebrity, recognition and praise. I love you more than my computer, the Internet, movies and TV, guns I own, and I even love you more than I love clear plastic boxes, or any box you can can think of. I love you more than sex and more than the Army. I love you more than being right, or thinking I’m right. I love you more than my pride and how loving you reveals flaws in me that give my pride a well-deserved beating every now and then, usually when least expected. I love you more than holding onto those parts of me, even if they made me, me, because you love me, and I might be a fighter, but I’ve done enough of it to know that in a fight between being me and being better, you’d be the winner. I love the things you think and the way you aren’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong, or when you’re wrong, or when we just see things differently.
Brian sent this to me today.
I love him back.
When you feel loved, nurtured, cared for, supported, and intimate, you are much more likely to be happier and healthier. You have a much lower risk of getting sick and, if you do, a much greater chance of surviving.
People fall so in love with their pain, they can’t leave it behind. The same as the stories they tell. We trap ourselves.
Simply put: break-ups.
Ben was given the majority of my house. Mochas and Creams. The two bedrooms, living room, and dining room. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a lot, but my house is big-ish. I had to take down all the wallpaper in the dining room to paint. It took me a very long time.
Kuwait got the kitchen. Robin’s Egg Blue. The walls had to be refinished. It took so long, because I was working so much. A whole summer.
Blah Blah Blah Jesus got my bedroom. Chocolate and taupe. I redid the whole room. New furniture, bed set, curtains. Maybe a month in total.
Swiss got nothing.
Ego got the bathroom. A very bath blue, clean looking. Two days.
I didn’t realize I did this until today. I suppose there are worse ways to work through something. I’m such a great painter now, I’m just running out of rooms.